Computers

There's a lot of smut on the internet.
I was trying to learn how to strip paint, and looked up stripper.
I was hungry for some fruit, and wanted to know how much, typed big melons
I wanted to buy some jugs of water, and looked up jugs

Making a wood stover hotter>Log On
Fire's too hot>Log Off
Keep an eye on the fire>Monitor
Getting the fire wood off the truck>Download
MEGAHERTZ>When you weren't careful doing the above. 

Floppy Disk, what ya get for trying to carry too much firewood.
Ram, that thing that splits the firewood.
Hard Drive, gettin' home in the winter.
Windows, what to close in the winter.
(Windows '95, same as Mac '88)
Screen, what to put up when when the Flies fly.
Byte, what those dang flies do. 

W I N N E R S:

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

-- David Dixon

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Everything is gone;
Your life's work has been.destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

-- David Carlson



H O N O R A B L E M E N T I O N S:

I'm sorry, there's -- um --
insufficient -- what's-it-called?
The term eludes me ...

-- Owen Mathews

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Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

-- Peter Rothman

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Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again

-- Chris Walsh

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The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.

-- Barry L. Brumitt

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Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

-- Pat Davis

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A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

-- David J. Liszewski

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Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.

-- Charlie Gibbs

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Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.

Timed out, plum blossom.

-- Rik Jespersen

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Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

-- Suzie Wagner

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This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

-- Charles Matthews

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wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault

-- Nick Sweeney

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ABORTED effort:
Close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

-- Mike Hagler

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First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

-- Simon Firth

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With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

-- Howard Korder

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The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

-- Bill Torcaso

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The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist

-- Joy Rothke

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Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down

-- David Ansel

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A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

-- James Lopez

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There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge

-- Rahul Sonnad

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Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

-- Margaret Segall

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To have no errors
Would be life without meaning

No struggle, no joy

-- Brian M. Porter

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You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

-- Cass Whittington

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No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?

-- Jim Griffith


Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

-- Francis Heaney

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The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.

-- Jason Willoughby

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SALON | Feb. 10, 1998