A blonde was observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of her Mercedes with a coat hanger: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! And it's starting to rain and the top is down! Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex ? A: Rolls down the car window to cool off.Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ? A: Kick open the car door. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering ? A: More head room. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs ? A: More leg room. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blonde ? A: Bucket seats. Q. What do you call two blondes in the front seat of a car? A. Dual Airbags Q: Why is it good to have a blonde as a passenger? A: You can park in the handicapped spot! Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette ? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ? A: Gifted. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells ? A: Pregnant. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders ? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together ! Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg ? A: Hi! Good to be with you. It's been a long time. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink ? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables ! Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane ? A: She just had her hair done and didn't want it blown in the wind. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up ? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle ? A: When they're on their back, they're screwed. Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme ? A: Humpme Dumpme sat on a wall. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up ? A: Shine a light in their ear. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks ? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer ? A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer ? A: You only have to put information into a computer once. Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common ? A: You really appreciate them when they go down on you. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello ? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
Q: How do blondes eat a banana ? A: First they look for a zipper. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop ear rings ? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract guys ? A: Her ankles. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick ? A: Because red means stop. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick ? A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator ? A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators ? A: They chip their teeth.Q: Why do blondes wear wool underwear ? A: They make good ankle warmers. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay ? A: Remove their underwear. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde ? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk !" Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde ? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk !"
Q: What's a brunette's mating call ? A: Have the blondes left yet ? Q: How did the blonde get hurt ice fishing ? A: She was run over by the zamboni machine. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs ? A: Because they can spell it.Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes ? A: Toes Go In First. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts ? A: Tits Go In Front. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side ? A: An interpreter. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes ? A: A mental block. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind ? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in ? A: "Have another beer." Q: What do blondes do with their assholes in the morning ? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning ? A1: Introduces herself. A2: Walks home. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning ? A: Fertilized. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs ? A: Unfertilized.
Q: What do blondes say after sex ?
A1: "Thanks, Guys !"
A2: "Are you guys all in the same band ?"
A3: "Can I come along to your next rock concert?"
A4: Do you guys all play for the Redskins
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob ?
A: Because she has been handled many times.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks ?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Why do blondes have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop making sex !
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm ?
A1: She drops her nail-file !
A2: She says, "Next".
A3: The next guy in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
Af: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: The batteries have run out.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear ?
A: "Thanks for the refill !"
Q: Why do blondes have more fun ?
A: They are easier to keep amused.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb ?
A1: "What's a light bulb ?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady !"
Q: What's a blonde's favorite wine ?
A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami !"
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes ?
A: A wine cellar.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes ?
A: Peroxide.
A blonde was going to Paris and she had a coach seat. When she got on the plane she sat in first class. A stewardess came and told her to go into coach she said she didn't have to. Another stewardess came and said if she didn't go in coach she would get the co-pilot. She said she wouldn't move. The co-pilot came and whispered something in her ear and she got up went to coach. The other two asked how he did it and he said he told her this part of the plane wasn't going to Paris.
BLONDE INVENTIONS
1. The solar power flashlight
2. Dehydrated water
3. Fire proof matches
Q. What was she doing in a tree?
A. Raking leaves
Q. How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Who knows it has never been done!
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Moline to DC, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals. She proudly said," go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."
There were three Spy Girls, a smart Brunette, semi-smart Red head, really dumb Blonde. They were in Iran when they got caught and sentenced to be shot by a firing squad. At the Brunette's execution they said: any last words. So she said tornado, tornado! The soldiers jumped for cover and the Brunette escaped. On the Red Head's execution day they asked her if she had any last words. She said hurricane, hurricane! In the confusion, the Red Head escaped. On Blondie's execution day they asked her for last words, and she answered: fire, fire! So they fired!
Q: What is it when you hear this:
Vroom. screach. vroom. screach. vroom. screach.?
A: A blonde at a blinking stoplight.
A blonde and a brunette are sitting in a bar and watching the 11:00 P.M. news. A man is standing on the ledge of a high-rise building, contemplating suicide. The brunette says to the blonde: "I'll bet you $20.00 that the man jumps off that building and commits suicide." The blonde thinks for a moment then replies: "OK, you're on!" They watch for a few minutes and sure enough, the man jumps off the ledge. The blonde sighs and reaches for her wallet, but the brunette stops her, saying: "I can't take your money - I feel too guilty. I have to confess that I watched the 6:00 P.M. news this evening and I knew that the man would jump. The blonde replied: "Oh! I watched the 6:00 P.M. news too, but I didn't think he'd jump off again!"
Q. What did the blonde do when she broke her Tupperware?
A. Called the plastic surgeon.
There were five blondes at a pop machine that kept putting quarters in and kept piling the pop up. They did this for about an hour, when a man asked if he could budge and get a pop. They replied, "no, we're on a winning streak...!"
Every time this blonde touched her shoulder, it hurt. Every time she touch her thigh, it hurt. Everywhere she touched with her finger it hurt! So she went to the doctor and asked what is the matter. The doctor asked if she was a natural blonde and she said yes. The doctor stated to the blonde that she had a broken finger.
Ok, there's this blonde who wants to buy a TV, so she goes down to the electronics store and tells the salesman, "Sir, I want to buy this TV." And the salesman goes, "We don't sell to blondes." So she goes home and dies her hair brown. The next day she comes back, and says to the salesman. "Sir, I want to buy this TV." The salesman says, "I'm sorry, we don't sell to blondes." So she goes back home and shaves off her hair and puts on a baseball cap. Later that day she goes back to the electronics store. Once more she says, "Sir, I am going to buy this TV." This time the salesman says, "Look ma'm, I told you, we can't sell to blondes!" The blonde says, "Gosh, I dyed my hair then shaved it! How do you know I am a blonde?" The salesman: "This is a microwave."
Q: What did Santa say to the 3 sleazy looking blondes?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho!
Q: What is 500 ft. long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blonde parade!
Q) Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A) It chips their teeth.
Q) How do you know if a blonde is having a bad day?
A) Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.
Q) What’s the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A) Not everyone has been inside a 747
A man is standing in the street saying 19,19,19,19. Then this blonde comes and asks him what he is doing he doesn't answer he just keeps saying 19,19,19,19. So the blonde says well I guess I'll join you. So now there both saying 19,19,19,19. Then this huge semi comes by and just runs over the blonde. Then the man starts saying 20,20,20,20.
Q: Why did the blonde smile every time there was a flash of lightning?
A: She though someone was taking her picture.
Q. What's the difference between a Blonde and the Ladies' Dome?
A. Hundreds of men have not been in the Ladies' Dome every day.
Q: Why do Blondes wear Pony-Tails?
A: To hide the Air Valve!
A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street. The brunette says, "Look, a dead bird." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"
Two blondes were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching Seskachewan, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one blonde asked the manager, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are,...very slowly?" The manager leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr- gerrrrrrr Kiiiiing.
A blonde yells "Yes" "I just finished a puzzle in three months and the box says 2-3 years"
Q: What goes blonde.....brunette....blonde....brunette.....blone.....brunette?
A: A blonde doing a cartwheel.
Q: What do you call a pimple on a Blonde's but?
A: Brain Tumor
Q: What's the advantage of marrying a blonde?
A: You get to park in the handicapped zone.
Q. How do you confuse a blonde?
A. Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.
Q. What to you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel
Q. Why is a blonde like a mosquito?
A. When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking!
Q. What do you call 4 blondes lying next to each other?
A. An air-mattress
Q. Why are only 2% of blondes touch typist?
A. The other 98% are hunt-n-peckers
Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'me.... could I see your drivers license...?" "...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.. "It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that.....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher "Uh... yes" replied the cop. "Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..." "WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop. "Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer......"
Q: What do you call a blond at the bottom of a pool?
A: An air bubble 
Three blondes were walking in the forest one day. They saw a set of tracks. They started arguing over what kind of tracks they were: Blonde one: "they're deer tracks!" Blonde two: "they're dog tracks" Blonde three: "they're cow tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.
There are 3 women who are in the army; A Blonde, Brunette and Redhead and their general asks them if they went into the desert and could only take one thing, what would it be? Well, the Brunette says I would take an umbrella so I wont get hot. The General says ok that is good. The Redhead says I would take a watermelon because I could eat it and drink the juices on it too. The General says ok that is good. Then he asks the Blonde what she would take and she says " I would take a car door" The General says, "Why in the heck would you take a car door??" The Blonde says, "So if I get hot I can roll down the window."
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes on her shoulder pads!
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted flakes!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone!
Q: Why do blondes shoes say TGIF?
A: Toes go in first!
Q: Have you heard about the new shirts made just for blondes?
A: They come with an instruction manual. LEFT ARM, RIGHT ARM, HEAD,FRONT,BACK.
Two blondes are observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their BMW.
Blonde#1:I cant seem to get this door unlocked.
Blonde#2:Well you better hurry up, its starting to rain and the top is down!
Q: How does a blonde kill a bird?
A: Throws it off a building
There is a blonde and a brunette that want to commit suicide, so they climb up the Eiffel tower. The brunette jumps off, and the blonde goes to somebody and asks how do you get down.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q. What does a turtle and a blonde have in common?
A. Once they're on their back, they're screwed!
Q. How did the blonde die raking leaves?
A. She fell out of the tree!
Q. What did the blonde customer say to the waitress taking her order?
A. (reading her nametag) "Debbie, that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
Q. How do you get a blonde out of a tree?
A. Wave at her!
Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A. Last year's hide and seek winner.
One day a blonde girl woke up and went out to the market. On her way she overheard two men (about her age) making a stupid blonde joke. It went like this:
"What do you call two blondes behind the wheel?
Dual air bags."
The blonde got very mad and as soon as the little party broke up she marched up to the nearest guy and preached him on how smart she was. She then asked the young man to quiz her on the capitals of any state in the U.S.
So he replied, asking her what the capital of Florida was.
She answered in a rather snobbish and proud tone, "Why that's easy, -- F."
Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: I wonder if it's mine!
Q. Why can't blondes make Kool-Aid?
A. Because they can't figure out how to fit 2 quarts of water into that little package.
Q. How do you make a dumb blonde laugh on Thursday?
A. Tell her a joke on Tuesday!
Q. How do you make a blonde's eye twinkle?
A. Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Q. There are three girls, all in the 3rd grade in school: one a brunette, one a redhead, and one blonde. Which one of them has the best body?
A. The blonde, because she's 19.
Q. What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A. A blonde at a flashing light.
Two blondes went to the market. While they were there, the each bought a horse. When they got home, they discussed how to tell their horses apart. They decided to cut the tail off of one. That worked for a while, but soon the tail grew back, so they decided that they would cut off the horses' mane. One of the blondes said, "Which of the horses should we cut the hair off, the brown one or the white one?"
Q. Why did the man marry the blonde?
A. Because he wanted to park in the handicapped parking spots at the mall.
Q. How do you measure a blonde's I.Q.?
A. With a tire gauge.
Q. Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A. Tits Go In Front.
Q. What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
A. Wow! Donut seeds!
Q. How do you confuse a dumb blonde?
A. You give her a bag of M&M's and tell her to alphabetize them!
Q. How did the dumb blonde get fired from the M&M company?
A. She threw away all the ones that said "w" on them!
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. She was bobbing for french fries.
A blonde was driving from NY to FLA. She saw a sign that read "clean restrooms." By the time she got to Georgia, she'd already cleaned 120!
Q. How do you know a blonde has been using the computer?
A. There is cheese in front of the mouse!
Q. What do a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?
A. They both have a black box.
Q. Why do blonds keep their high school diplomas on the dashboard of their cars?
A. So they can park in the handicapped parking spaces.
Q. What do you call a Volkswagon full of blondes?
A. Farfromthinkin
Q. What do you call a fly, flying in a blonde's head?
A. A space invader.
Q. What strikes a blonde and she doesn't even know it?
A. A thought.
Q. Why did the blonde drive around the block 28 times?
A. Her right turn signal was stuck.
There were three people who escaped from prison: a blonde, a redhead and a brunette. They ran into the forest where there were three trees. The brunette took the first tree, the redhead took the second tree, and the blonde took the third tree. The cops came and looked up into the first tree and said, "I think there is someone up there." Then they heard an owl sound. "No, that's just an owl." They went to the second tree and thought someone was up there too. Then they heard a squirrel sound. The police said, "No, that's just a squirrel." They went to the third tree and said someone was up there. Then the blonde made a cow sound.
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde #1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked.
Blonde #2: Well, you'd better hurry and 'cause it's starting to rain and the top is down.
Q. Why did the blonde bury her walkman?
A. Because the batteries were dead.
Q: What do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?
A: An interpreter!
Q: What do you call a blonde between 2 brunettes?
A: An air pocket!
Q. How did the blonde attempt to kill a bird?
A. Chucked it off a cliff
A blonde goes into a hairdresser wearing headphones and asks for a haircut. The woman asks the blonde to take off her headphones but the blonde just tells her to cut around them. The blonde comes in a few weeks later STILL wearing the headphones. Again she asks the hairdresser to cut around them. This goes on for ages until one day the hairdresser cannot contain her curiosity and rips off the headphones. As soon as she does this the blonde drops down dead! The hairdresser picks up the headphones and listens to them -- they're saying "BREATHE IN.........BREATHE OUT.........BREATHE IN.......BREATHE OUT...."
Q. How do you change a blonde's mind?
A. Blow into her hear
Q. How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A. She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q. Why did the blonde have square boobs?
A. She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.
Q. Why was the blonde sitting on a roof?
A. She heard the drinks were on the house
Q. How did the blonde break her leg?
A. Raking leaves............... she fell out of the tree!
Q. If a blonde and a brunette were walking down the road and fell off a cliff, who would hit the ground first?
A. The brunette. The blonde has to ask for directions.
Q. What do you call two blondes in a refrigerator?
A. Frosted Flakes
Q. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde are walking down the street. They find a 100 dollar bill. Who picks it up?
A. The dumb blonde, because the other ones don't exist!
Q. What do you call a line of 12 blondes standing ear to ear?
A. A wind tunnel.
Q. How do you know when a blonde is making chocolate cookies?
A. There are M&M shells all over the place.
Q. Why did the blonde jump out the window?
A. To see if her Ultra Panty-Liners with Wings could fly.
Q. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A. Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q. What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A. Pregnant
Q. Why does it take blondes so long to make frozen orange juice?
A. Because the label says "concentrate."
Q. Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A. To see what was on the other side.
Q. What does a blonde say after she graduates from college?
A. "Hi, welcome to McDonalds."
A blonde was driving down an old country road and saw another blonde rowing a canoe in the middle of a cornfield. She jumped out of the car and yelled, "You know, it's dumb blondes like you that cause all of these dumb blonde jokes. If I could swim I would come out there and kick your ass!"
Q. What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brunette?
A. Artificial intelligence.
Q. Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?
A. She couldn't find eleven on the phone.
Q. How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A. Type "please turn over" on both sides of a piece of paper.
A blonde, a brunette, a movie star, the pope, and a pilot were in a plane. The plane was going down, and there were only 4 parachutes. So the pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped. Since there was only one parachute left, the pope told the brunette to take the last one. The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left...the blonde took my backpack and jumped."
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A golden retriever
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been using the computer?
A: There is whiteout on the monitor.
Q: How do you know when another one was using the same computer?
A: There is writing on the whiteout
Q: Why do blondes have bruises around their belly-buttons?
A: Because blond guys aren't too smart either.
A blonde is driving along the freeway en route to Disney World. She is very close to the exit to the theme park when she notices the sign stating "DISNEYWORLD LEFT." So she turned around and went home.
How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday.
How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
Both are empty from the neck up.
What do you call a bunch of blondes standing in a row?
A wind tunnel.
If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
The brunette the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a swimming pool.
Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month?
Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.
Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right.
How do you kill a blonde?
Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
An interpreter.
What is the mating call of an ugly blonde?
I said, I'm drunk!
What is the mating call of a brunette?
Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet?
Why do blondes always fail driver's tests?
Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat.
What would a blonde say if her doctor told her that she was pregnant?
Is it mine?
What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date?
If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home!
What does a blonde use for birth control?
Brown hair-dye.
How does a blonde like her eggs?
Unfertilized.
What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning?
1. She introduces herself.2. She goes home.
One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a
sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached
the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them.
Two blondes were walking in the woods when they came upon some tracks.
The first blonde said, You know, those look like deer tracks. The
other blonde said, No, silly, those are moose tracks. They were still
arguing about it when a train hit them.
A blonde woman was very proud of herself for finishing her jigsaw
puzzle in only two months; after all, the box said 2-5 years.
One day, two blondes were driving to Disneyland. As they passed
through Anaheim, they saw a sign on the freeway that said,
Disneyland Left. So they turned around and went home.
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus were all walking down
the street. All of a sudden, they saw a $10 bill lying on the ground.
Luckily for the dumb blonde, she was able to get to the money first,
her friends didn't exist.
Blondes are too biased. It's always, Buy us this, buy us that!
I once knew a suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hands.
A blonde went into a pizza parlor. When she said that she'd like a
medium pizza, the clerk asked her how many pieces she'd like to have
it cut into: six or twelve. Oh, goodness, six please, said the blonde.
I don't think I could ever eat twelve.
One day, a blonde and her friend were walking through the park.
Suddenly, the blonde's friend said, Oh, look, a dead birdie. The
blonde looked up and said, Where?
On a hot summer day, an angry blonde woman was brought into the
hospital with severe burns on her mouth and lips. When the doctors
asked her what had happened, she said that she had caught her
boyfriend with another woman, so she had tried to retaliate by
blowing his car up.
A blonde woman became very depressed when she looked at her driver's
license and saw that she had an ÔF' in sex.
Once upon a time, there was a blonde who had six young boys, all of
whom she named 'Jimmy'. One day, her aunt asked, Why did you name all
of these boys 'Jimmy'? The blond said, So I can keep track of 'em. The
aunt gave her a wild look. So you can keep track of 'em? How the heck
can you do that when they're all named 'Jimmy'? The blonde looked at
her aunt, shrugged and said, No problem, I just call them by their
last names.
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing; so, after reading many books on
the subject and gathering all of the necessary equipment, she made
for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot stool,
she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, as if from
the sky, a voice boomed out, HEY, YOU, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a cup of
cappuccino from her Thermos, and began to cut another hole. Again, a
voice boomed, THERE ARE NO FISH THERE! The blonde, now worried, moved
to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and once again tried
to cut the ice hole. Once more, the voice said, THERE ARE NO FISH
THERE!
The blonde stopped, looked skyward, and said, Who are you, God? The
voice replied, NO, YOU DUMB BLONDE, I OWN THE @$#&! ICE RINK!
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. Then, one of
them decides to call 911.
Blonde: We need help, me and two other blondes are trying to change
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmm. Have you put a fresh bulb in?
B: Yes.
O: Is the power in the house turned on?
B: Of course!
O: And the switch is on?
B: Yes, yes!
O: And the bulb still won't light up?
B: Actually, the bulb's working fine.
O: Then what's the problem?
B: Well, we got dizzy spinning the ladder around, and we all fell
off and hurt ourselves.
Three women, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead, were stranded on
an island. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and
estimated the distance to be about twenty miles. So, she announced
that she was going to try and swim back.
After swimming five miles or so, the brunette began to get tired.
However, determined to keep at it, she kept going. Unfortunately,
ten miles out, she became exhausted and drowned. The redhead, who was
stronger than the brunette had been, decided to give it a try. After
getting out about ten miles or so, she too began to get tired.
Just like the brunette, she was determined to keep going; only five
miles from the mainland, she too became exhausted and drowned.
Now, the blonde had always been the strongest of the three. And
so, after seeing how far the redhead had gotten, she knew that
she had a good chance of making it. The blonde swam away from the
island, and was making good time. She passed ten miles easily;
however, when she reached fifteen, she began to get tired, too.
But she kept going.
Finally, after reaching nineteen miles, with
the mainland only a mile away and in sight, the blonde realized
that she was simply too tired to go on. So she swam back.
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios?
Ahh, donut seeds!
What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch?
A brunette that told too many blonde jokes (grin).
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner.
How does a blonde confuse you?
She tells you she did.
Complete List of Blonde Jokes
This is the most complete set of blonde jokes I have seen. This is the updated version, with (I think) all duplications removed. There are 436 jokes in this list. 392 Q & A jokes, and 44 story and one liner jokes. (this does not include multiple answers to the same question. Including those it is about 450 jokes)
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.
Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
A: An air bag.
Q: Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
A: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Q: Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
A: It's too hard to re-train them.
Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.
Q: What's the mating call of the blonde?
A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
Q: What's the mating call of the brunette?
A: "All the blondes have gone home!"
Q: What's a brunette's mating call ?
A: Has that blonde gone yet?
Q: What is the brunette's mating call?
A: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?
Q: What's the mating call of the redhead?
A: "Next!"
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on
Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds
her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange
juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
A1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
A2: Only one person can use the phone at once.
Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.
Q: Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
A: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)
Q: How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.
Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!
Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
A2: By doing the splits.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
A1: She drops her nail-file!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She says, "Next".
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
Q: How do blondes pierce their ears?
A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
Q: How does a blonde like her eggs?
A: Unfertilized.
Q: How do you drown a blond?
A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
A2: Don't tell her to swallow.
A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.
Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all bitch.
Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
A: One's a phony buck.
Q: What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
A: An Italian suppository.
Q: Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
A: Because the vacuum in her head keeps them in place.
Q: What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jello?
A: Jello wiggles when you eat it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
A2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.
Q: Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
A: She was having sunny periods.
Q: What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
A: When she farts, her knees bag.
Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.
Q: How is a blonde like a frying pan?
A: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.
Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night !
Q: How do you describe the perfect blonde?
A: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
A: They're too hard to peel.
Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.
Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
A: Proofreading.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
A: By the chipped tooth.
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: To keep from bruising their ears. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas? A: So guys will talk to them at parties. Q: Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm? A: She loves taking pictures (flashes, got it?). Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? A: Full. Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?" A: "No, I just lie there." Q: What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning? A: "Thanks, guys..." Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air pockets. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: "Space. The final frontier......" Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team? A: Just One... Boomer Esiason. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes. Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner? A: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refrigerator cold. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ? A: She didn't know what ONE came first... Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex? A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers. A2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone? A: Divorced. Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole? A: Divorced. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer! Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp? A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way. Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde? A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night. Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for french fries. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.... Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces. Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating? A: By the buckle print on her forehead. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead! Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? A: She has a checkbook. Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone? A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a guy? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal? A: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch. Q: What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team? A: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts. Q: What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde? A: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige." Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. Q: What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet? A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo." Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine? A: Not everybody has been in a limo. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball. A2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball. A3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke. A4: You don't eat your bowling ball Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes. Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later. Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month? A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds." Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids? A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon. A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home. Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?? A: Because they can understand them. Q: Why do blondes like lightning? A: They think someone is taking their picture. Q: Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: Because they don't know any better. A: They are easier to keep amused. Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry? A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex! Q: Why do blondes have legs? A: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen. Q: Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow? A: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo. A2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it. Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm? A: *Who cares?* Q: Why do blondes have periods? A: They deserve them Q: Why do blondes have big belly buttons? A: From dating blonde men. Q: Why do blondes wear tampons? A: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too. Q: Why do blondes drive BMW's A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!! Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails? A: To cover up the valve stem.
Q: Why do blonds have square boobs? A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill ? A: Wishful Thinking. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A: Tits go in front. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ? A: So they know when to stop having sex ! Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: They make good ankle warmers. Q: Why do Blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) A: Because they can spell it. Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus G.S.T. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop. Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick? A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole." Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads. Q: Why don't blondes double recipes? A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter. Q: Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency? A1: They can't remember the number. A2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives? A: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1". Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A: Cause their balls show! Q: Why don't blonds breast feed? A: Because they always burn their niples. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home. Q
: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.
Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine?
A: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747
Q: What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
A2: None of them, two don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
Q: What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
A: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.
Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
A: Air bubbles.
Q: What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
A: A whine and cheese party!
Q: What do you call a blonde lesbian?
A: A waste.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress.
Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.
Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.
Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck All...
Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A1: A golden retriever.
A2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.
Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
Q: What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the (..............)? insert team name here.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
A: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
A: He knows who the ten men were.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the M&Ms.
Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: "I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....uh, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?
R: I don't know.
A: Neither did she.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side. 
Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
Q: Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
A: Too many blondes were drowning.
Q: Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
A: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.
Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.
Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.
Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
A: Because she loved children.
Q: Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
A: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
Q: Why did they call the blond twinkie?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.
Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just dyed her hair.
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.
Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.
Q: How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.
Q: What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
A: Way to go team!
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: WHATS THE DIFFERANCE BETWEEN A FRIDGE AND A FANNY?
A: A FRIDGE DOSN'T FART WHEN YOU TAKE THE MEAT OUT.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why does it work?
A: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.
Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant posession.
Q: What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
A: "No, I just lie there." 
Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
A: One.
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
A2: Their mothers told them not with there mouths full.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
A: Divorced.
Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
Q: How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
A: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.
Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
Q: Why did she finally pass her test?
A: She took the examiner with her
Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!
Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win
Q: Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
A: Who cares
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray
Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
A: Pick them up off the floor
Q: What did the Blonde get on her A.C.T.?
A: Nail polish!
(Appendix: For those of you who are Brits, the A.C.T. is a
College entrance examination. Highest score possible is 36. Average is about 18-20, I think.)
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: What's the difference between a a Schwinn at the side of the road and a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde?
A: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn.
Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: A blond electrician
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.
Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?
Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air
Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!
Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
A: Nothing - they've never met.
Q: What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
A: She can't say "No".
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!
Q: What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.
Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!
Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
A: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
Q: What is the blonde's favorite battery?
A: Ever-ready.
Q: What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
A: A vacant posession.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. 
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when
the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull
your finger out, I'll sink?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly
Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into
Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh, No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me!
Andy tells me..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out
a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it
was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they
just don't remember who with.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
... then there was the blonde who started the restaurant with the
slogan "Billions Served - just today"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
Her husband is out looking for the other man.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In
the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor
wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
"GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would
like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked
to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was
somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said
she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this
down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying
sod across the street.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear about the blonde who:
had more on her body than on her mind?
was called "Sanka" because she had no active ingredient in the bean?
took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
got into the taxi, and the driver kept the "Vacant" sign up?
was an M.D. - Mentally Deficient?
had a terrific stairway, but nothing upstairs?
thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn't have a crazy cat?
after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn't get taller girls?
went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the
bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C." Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two brunettes and a blonde are in the hospital awaiting the
arrival of their first children. The 1st brunette says, "I just
know I'm going to have a girl, 'cuz I conceived while I was
on my back". The 2nd brunette says, "Mine's going to be a
boy, 'cuz I was on top during conception". The blonde says,
"Uh-oh! I'm going to have a puppy!"
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal
checkups. The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the
baby conceived ?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blond, burst into tears.
"Whats the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Blondes...
They take a lickin', and keep on... Lickin!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you hear the one about the blonde who thought that "love handles"
referred to her ears?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Over the weekend I heard a blonde telling this joke:
*
*Blonde Asks:What do you call a blonde in between two
brunettes?
*Blonde Answers: An interprolater!
*
*We were laughing so hard we thought we were going to die. The
funny
*part was that she thought we were laughing at her joke.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see
where the sun went ? It finally dawned on her.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw
a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute,
she said to herself "oh well!" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said
"CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles,
she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
How about the suicide blonde,
she dyed by her own hand. 
Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we
could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well, if you would learn to fuck me properly we
could do without the gardener.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of
them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing
a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house is on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and
we all fell and hurt ourselves.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a
redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the
mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
"I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles,
and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and
she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if
she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland
than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The
redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam
out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was
too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it!
I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles,
ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore
was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So
she swam back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.?
Blonde: I don't know. Why?
Teller: It was easier to spell.
Blonde: Easier than what?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down
and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks
and says "Those arn't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No.
Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one
half hour later they were both killed by a train.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said: "No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook" Confucious say: blonde who fly upside down have crack up. Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late. A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."
Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" enquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms." This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comesout and tell him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?" The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?" He: "$35." She: "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much areyour dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!" Imitation of a blonde refuelling.. (Flap hand, blowing air into ears) After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those." A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?" Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!" There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!" A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!" Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly..
Blonde Medical Terminology
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coathook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favoring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumour -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited